Sunday, October 16, 2011

From here to the ends of the world

Psalm 19

14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
   be pleasing in your sight,
   LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Last night as I was worshipping the Lord it happened.  By "it" I mean I began to tear up and the water of my soul rolled down my cheeks.  Two words caused this uncontrollable reaction to happen.  Two words.  Thank you.

I stood there in awe and reverence of what has happened in this past year.  Where i have been, where I am, where I am going.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.  My heart cried out to Him.  He never left me, He always stayed by my side.  When i turned from Him, He stayed close, stayed on the hilltop with a lantern lit at His home.  Come home my son, come home.  Thank you.  I will leave the light on, the door unlocked.  Come home my son, come home.  Thank you.

Jonah 2

  From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
   “In my distress I called to the LORD,
   and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
   and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the depths,
   into the very heart of the seas,
   and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
   swept over me.
4 I said, ‘I have been banished
   from your sight;
yet I will look again
   toward your holy temple.’
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,[b]
   the deep surrounded me;
   seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
   the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
   brought my life up from the pit.
 7 “When my life was ebbing away,
   I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
   to your holy temple.
 8 “Those who cling to worthless idols
   turn away from God’s love for them.
9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
   will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
   I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
 10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

I was in the belly of the fish, this world of the flesh.  I chose to turn from Him.  I chose to make the decisions that feel me full of gratitude and thanksgiving that He never left, He always left the light on, the door unlocked.  I clung to the worthless idols of alcohol, drugs, lust, pride, ego, and greed.  I clung them tightly to my chest for years hoping and believing that they would fill the God sized void in my heart. 

What did He do in response? 

He gave me my bride, a daughter of His, that He chose as my wife.  A daughter of His that He arranged for me to marry.  The God sized void became smaller.  Idols began to fall.  I clung desperately to the idols that began to fade, my drug of choice Marijuana, my pride, my ego, and my own understanding.  He never left, He always left the light on.  It was time.  I let the idols go, I dropped kicked them.  I cried for help in the deep realm of the dead I was in.  There is more to life than this.
“In my distress I called to the LORD,
   and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
   and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the depths,
   into the very heart of the seas,
   and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
   swept over me.
4 I said, ‘I have been banished
   from your sight;
yet I will look again
   toward your holy temple.’
5 The engulfing waters threatened me,[b]
   the deep surrounded me;
   seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
   the earth beneath barred me in forever.

He never left, He always left the light on.  The engulfing waters threatened me, I was drowning.  Drowning in MY own understanding, drowning in my pride.  I will look towards your holy temple.  I cried out to the Lord.  I was unworthy of being rescued, unworthy of redemption.

When my life was ebbing away,
   I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
   to your holy temple.

He never left, He always left the light on.  When I got real about a year ago, began to get over myself, began to realize I can do nothing in this world without Him, that Jesus is my redeemer, Jesus is my provider...He showed up.  Thank you

This past year has been the best year of my life.  For the first time in my life I am truly living.  I see why for centuries people would lay down their life for this thing called the Gospel.  Why people would endure the process of growth, the process of tearing walls down and rebuilding, the process of pain that is required to let the Lord build you up.  Many grow weary, it is not for the faint of heart.  I repeat many will grow weary, it is not for the faint of heart.  It is for those who want to know and feel and see what a healthy heart looks like.  It is for those who are brave and humble enough to say, "without you I can do nothing, but with You....I can do everything, with You there is nothing that I cannot endure, with You I can see and feel and taste what life is meant to be". 

To allow Jesus to step in, you must be brave, it will require you to go beyond yourself.  When those walls come crashing down, that is exactly what it is....a crash.  Lean not on your own understanding during the process, let Him build you back up.  There was no going back, I had come this far I will keep pushing.  When I needed rest, I will run harder, i will keep pushing.  Jesus is my provider.

This is incoherent perhaps, I do not care.  this is me.  This past year Jesus has built me up, Jesus is making my path straight, Jesus is pruning my tree of life, Jesus.  It is all to bring Him glory.  It is all to build His Kingdom.  This past year I have seen Him do marvelous works that leave me with two words....thank you.  This past year He has provided my every step.  He has rebuilt me, He has rebuilt my family, He has given me something I thought was only of dreams.  It is a feeling that I cannot put words to except..thank you.  How?  Why?

James 1:22
Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves, but do what it says

I thank God for providing me the instruction manual to life.  His word.  I thank God for sacrificing His only begotten Son Jesus for someone unworthy like myself.  i thank God for second, third, fourth, fith, etc chances.  i thank God and Jesus for never leaving me, for leaving the light on and door unlocked. 

As I worshipped last night, two words came to mind, thank you.  As I worshipped last night i caught a glimpse of my beautiful bride truly worshipping Jesus and I never felt more alive, I had never seen something so beautiful, I had never loved her more.  As I worshipped last night two words came to mind, thank you.  As I worshipped last night the water of my soul ran down my cheeks, thank you.  As I worshipped last night I truly had never felt more humble and full of life, thank you.

Jesus, Father, this goes out to you.  I thank you from the very depth of my soul for never leaving me, for leaving the light on.  I thank you for Your sacrifices.  I thank you for life.  I thank you for rescuing.  I thank you for what you have done, what you are doing, and what you will do.  I am expecting great things from You.  You are worthy of great expectations.  I have gotten a small taste of what You do in this fallen world, i choose to come back for seconds, for thirds, for LIFE.  I am expecting great and marvelous things from You.  You are my provider.  I am a broadsword for You.  Thank you for refining me.

As I worshipped last night, two words came to mind.  Thank you.  As I worshipped last night thousands upon thousand of words came to mind, the same two repeated from here to the ends of the world, to eternity.  Thank you

It is what it is, and this be it...

1 comment:

  1. Well put, my brother and fellow soldier. Perspective is most of the necessary element to succeed. You are getting your compass reset on true north. Now, you know where you are going. AMEN.

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