Rain-X

vi·sion

   /ˈvɪʒən/ Show Spelled[vizh-uhn] Show IPA

noun

1. the act or power of sensing with the eyes; sight.

2. the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be: prophetic vision; the vision of an entrepreneur.

3. an experience in which a personage, thing, or event appears vividly or credibly to the mind, although not actually present, often under the influence of a divine or other agency: a heavenly messenger appearing in a vision. Compare hallucination ( def. 1 ) .

4. something seen or otherwise perceived during such an experience: The vision revealed its message.

5. a vivid, imaginative conception or anticipation: visions of wealth and glory.

 

I know where I am going, I know we will get there.  I felt called to share a vision I had that I held onto tightly

 

Late last September while out back taking the dogs potty before bed while I was on our porch, I had a vision.  It was a prophetic vision.  It was on a beach, wifey and me holding hands walking in the surf.  The three kiddos were not so little anymore.  It was a vision that was from in front of us, on our left hand side, and swooped to behind us where the kids came into it.  It was short, maybe three seconds.  It was a vision from God, I know that from the feeling that overcame me that lasted much longer than three seconds and permeated to my bones.  It was a sense of pure accomplishment that comes from hard work and perseverance.  We looked into each others eyes and it was wow.....look at us now, look at our kids, look at our family, look at how blessed we are, and look at how we've built His kingdom.

 

This was the beginning, this is the vision that we had, this is where we are going, this is what vision can do.  This is what God can do through His only Son, Jesus, the pure and spotless lamb

 

I can see clearly, can you?

 

It is what it is, and this be it...which might entail one or two commas too many

growing pains

growth takes time, patience and nurturing; it is an ebb and flow kind of dialectic.  the maturation process can hurt, and yet the overall culmination propels our lives in an upward and outward direction, forming and shaping a good chunk of our day to day living.  we are created for growth and we see it in many facets over the course a day; a flower's first attempt to stretch it's petals out and turn it's face to the warm sun; the beginning and the end of a mcdonald's employee's first day; an old man's ear hair...all growth.  in psalms 103, david describes what it looks like to push through our own ceilings; through Him we can find mercy, grace, separation from sin and sympathy (things we need to give ourselves in some cases).  The chapter is very encouraging, especially for anyone who feels that they've been wronged somehow...and if we're being honest, that's everyone.  stunted growth has a rippling effect and regardless of the area of origin almost always seeps into multiple aspects of our lives.   

growing pains aren't easy to endure.  physically, growing pains attack our muscles & not our joints, just as sin takes shots at our hearts even when our conscious seems intact.  medically, "growing pains" is a diagnosis of exclusion, one that comes after a thorough exam and run down of history; after everything else is explained away.  sometimes when we've pushed a hurt  down so deep inside us, we can't--or wont--see that it's causing our muscles to ache.  the thing about growing pains is that they don't happen every day; we can feel certain that our muscles won't hurt today only to be blindsided again when they burn tomorrow.  

but when we were children being held and cuddled made our achy bodies feel rested and reassured.  stretches, heating pads, and promises that the pain would subside helped us get through the tears and long nights.  and eventually with our parents taking care of us, we grew beyond what we believed we could.  we even outgrew our favorite clothes and shoes and suddenly we were the ones giving hand me downs, as opposed to receiving them.  this progression of physical growth very much mirrors spiritual evolution and gain.  and for those of us willing to endure and face some discomfort in order to shed spiritual immaturity, God has a heating pad waiting in the wings & His name is Jesus Christ.

we cause ourselves and our spirits great harm when we refuse to admit that our muscles are aching.  if we can't acknowledge that we're hurting, we can't accept the grace and healing God is offering.  Job 5: 8-16 tells us that when we're able to be honest with ourselves about what is stunting our growth, He gives us reprieve & unending ways to surpass our former mistakes.  we are blessed to be corrected by God, because He is the only physician who knows our history inside and out, the only doctor who can definitively diagnose our pain.  God knows which muscles are aching and what temperature to set the heating pad on.  "unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you" (romans 12:2 msg).  

growth is not meant to be easy, it is meant to build character.  once your foundation is strong, you have the opportunity to outgrow your old skin.  God desperately wants to diagnose your hurts and to see you through them.  the question is, do you desperately want to let Him?     

kris   

Well I guess I wrote about hard work eh?

Soooo, what to write what to write.

I want to talk about blessings and being blessed.  I feel that far too often people always put blessed and financial blessings hand in hand.  I feel that is a mistake.  Yes you can be blessed in your finances, but it is foolish to only assume that is where blessing comes in.  If you do so, you are missing what blessing is. 

I am blessed to be born into America, into a God fearing family, into a family that prides ourselves on hard work.  Some might think that having your first summer job when you are 14 is anything but a blessing, I disagree.  I am very grateful that both parents had to get where they are at by hard work, and then passed that on to their boys.  I often look around my work setting and wonder why so many people are afraid to work hard, to only put the minimum amount of work in and when asked more throw a hissy fit and say "what about so and so".  I've had to put in 14 hours before of throwing 42,000 lbs of freight in about 6 hours.  Did I like it, yes I did, it felt good when my arms were jello!  There is something about hard work that makes you feel like you are truly living.  There is something about the feeling of when the occasion calls for it, do you step up or strike out and head back to the bench to goof off. 

Why as a society do we like to find easy ways out, to do as little as possible and get by?  This is anything but biblical and just plain ol' right.  I believe part of the problem is how you are raised.  Are you raised to know the value of hard work, or raised to do as little as possible.  Were you encouraged to work some manual labor growing up to know how to work hard, but also instill a drive in you to work hard so you will not always have to be a grunt?  As a society do we appreciate those who work hard?  Do we praise those for a job well done with genuine thanks?  I cannot say this enough, do you appreciate those who work hard for others gain, truly thank others and their hard work.  There is a mantra that I hear at my work place..."thanks for all you do"...really?  What exactly did I do?  Now there is nothing wrong with saying this as long as we keep in mind we must also specifically thank others for a specific job accomplished.  Do we pay attention to others and the work they put into it?  If not it promotes a sense of, do as little as possible because nobody notices.  That is not biblical, but that is a mindset I have to fight off every once in a while or two.  Why do I fight that off, because I was blessed to be born into a family that values others and the work they do.  People, look around and assess your situation, do you truly thank people from your heart, or because of image?  I challenge everyone to praise others, build them up.  This will encourage people to work hard because they know that it is valued, that they are valued, that they and their work is validated.

Well I guess I wrote about hard work eh?

You are blessed to know what hard work is and step up instead of point elsewhere.  You are blessed to have a drive for excellence.  You will be blessed if you strive for excellence, in all facets.

You have the opportunity to bless others through words that are encouraging, and grateful for hard work.  When given that chance do you step up and and do it, or do you choose not to?  When you have the opportunity do you step up and help change the society of "me", do you help step up and promote a culture of gratitude or "me".  Do you step up and do what is right by encouraging others, or will you turn a blind eye and help create a culture of division and finger pionting?

It is what it is, and this be it

Ramble On...

Sooooo, its been a few days.  Been tossin and turnin what to put out there, i started my journey inward but now I'm not too sure what to express outwardly from that.

Yesterday while I was at the pool soakin in some good ol' vitamin D and reading while the kids played in the pool I kinda had a big revelation, a change of perspective if you will.  Man, thats a word Ive been hearing a lot of lately, and I mean A LOT of, which is good.  I was reading a Blessed Life, by whoever wrote it, its good and its right up my alley, talking about finances.  I really like the approach used though, as it is more a reflection of the heart in finances and motives, not to get anything in return.  When I came across the section that was talking about mammon for whatever reason I saw it in new light.  You see mammon is in my words the root of all evil, not money, mammon is greed.  When I read it i stopped to really search myself, who am I serving?, and then I heard my voice in my head, "my only stress is money, I only stress when there is no money, if I only made 10k more a year....".  Wow, I was serving mammon.  When I came to this I started evaluating my money spent, and what they say about me.  Then  a verse popped into my mind, a line from Proverbs 26,  

¹¹ As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.

I dont want to be a fool, I dont want to be a dog eating my own vomit, it cant taste good, it cant be nutritious, why would anyone want to return and eat their own mess they made?  So quite simply I had a change of heart at that moment, a change of heart on how I view finances, or what I spend, on what, and for what reasons.  It must've been the good 'ol Vitamin D that help get the wires connected right to have an "AH HA" moment. 

After that moment I had another hop skip and a jump to a verse that has been kicking me in the teeth lately.  You find it in 1 Corinthians 6

¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

I know what context this is in, but in relation to money, were my spending habits in line with this?  Were things I spent my money on building my body up, or tearing it down.  That was the second part to my change of perspective I had.  I have in the past had spending habits and mentality that served mammon. 

I cannot change what I've done in the past, I cannot change where I am at.  I can change what i will do now, I can change where i am going. 

Yesterday as I was walking deep inside myself I came to a fork in the road, a fork I had not seen before, before the light was barely enough to see my hand in front of my face.  Yesterday as I was walking deep inside myself I received the gift of light which helped me choose the right.

It is what it is, and this be it

 

the mamas and the papas

yesterday was easily the most difficult "mom" day in my 8 years on the job.  i'm being honest when i say that at the end of the day, in the moments before my husband walked through the front door, i did not believe that i had anything else in me to give.  and yet, things were far from over. when ben did get home he came in to find me in the middle of the sheet laden couch with a bowl in each hand & two kids throwing up at the same time.  jack started to fall apart then, overcome with both exhaustion and relief at seeing his daddy. somehow when you're the sickest you can remember being, having both mommy and daddy waiting in the wings to comfort you feels like catching a break.  once my biggest baby crumbled, i was quick to follow...crying desperate tears of empathy and sorrow.  and at that moment, the leader of our pack was struck by the power of the situation and swooped in for a record breaking rescue.  ben went into action and for the next few hours we held barf bowls and changed rancid diarrhea together.  i went to bed at 9, which is incredibly early and unheard of for me.

for hours i had juggled taking care of three sick kids and disinfecting every visible and hidden inch of our house.  i scrubbed the hellish day out of the bath tub with a toothbrush; i washed every sheet and blanket and pillow and rug.  i cleaned every floor, every doorknob, every toy...i have no idea how i did it all, except that when you're a mom your super powers are quite impressive.  but i needed reprieve, i needed my prince to gallop in and throw me a life line.  as i was basking in the understanding that ben DID come home and take care of us, it occurred to me that countless single mothers do not have those extra two hands & endless support.  and my heart sunk for them, for the women i know and the ones i don't.  how consuming it must be to be the only means to an end, to have to DO IT ALONE.

and then my spirit said, "i wish all of them knew Jesus."

as humans we are built for partnering, companionship, love.  when those things are lacking in our lives we can feel defeat and a sense of inadequacy.  few are the parents who are able to own their situation, step up and knock down their obstacles.  as children of God, the most loving and caring parent in the history of time, we yearn to fall into the hands of our Lord & let Him hold the barf bowl.  we need Him to hold back our hair, to cry alongside us, to promise us that it will be okay.  as brides of the highest husband, we look to God for relief at the end of a swampy day.  we wait for Him to get home from work and take care of us.  and we feel unending rest when He does; we can go to bed early and know that He will stay awake.

do you know a single parent?  was your mom a single mom?  are you alone?  rest can be found.  call out to your Father and be astounded when He rubs your back.  let Him be your husband when you have no one else to call on.  HE WILL be these things for you.  be still and know that He is Lord.

kris

brick by brick part II

it's amazing how the voice of a one time friendly foe can take you right back to 7th grade, one of the only kids without guess jeans.  and in my case, i spent 3rd through 12th grade with the same girls...same friends...same enemies.  in my corner was my lack of concern regarding gossip or childish games; on the surface trite & petty didn't effect me.  and yet, on the inside it must have; when recently faced with "input" from an old "friend" it sent me in a downward spiral that took, for a small time, a spiritual tole on me [see "brick by brick..."].  i began to question my ability to perform on a new and exciting adventure.  when certain people are stuck in the muck you used to be in, it's nearly impossible for them to encourage you and to see you as someone other than who you used to be.

a few days ago when i was venting via 'raw & real', i was processing some hurtful comments from an old friend.  in grade school and high school i wasn't great at my relationships with other girls.  i had experienced some early childhood trauma that left me unable to trust girls around my age, and marked me as the token tomboy.  because i didn't 'care' about the other girls and because for a 'tomboy' i liked some very girlie things, i didn't have trouble making girlfriends; i just had trouble keeping them.  i was aloof; they were snobs; i had tons of guy friends; some of them were their boyfriends....it was water and oil.  when high school was done, i fled the scene and got as far away as i could from the girls who had shaped my idea of friendship for so long.  they all went to the same university, joining the same sorority & life for them continued on as it always was.  i don't see them often, or think of them much honestly...i no longer have nightmares of "mean girls" in epic proportions.  i moved on to make some great girlfriends in college, and i am currently surrounded by the most amazing group of women.  now i have friendships better than i once knew to wish for; friendships that are deep and intricate, fun and encouraging (kari kendra ashley beth mandy tracy shauna heather angie marina kelli hayley...just to name a few--love these girls).  God has restored my faith in friendship and then some.

so why is it when someone from my past challenged my ability to embark on journey full steam ahead, did i allow myself to feel doubt, to feel unwelcome and unwanted (a generalized phrase i use a lot) on an adventure that had nothing to do with them.  in fact the people whose opinions actually matter here have made me feel quite welcome and wanted.  my how the enemy can grab ahold of our past fears and shift them into our current lives. 

my advice to myself, and to anyone else who has been bombarded by past challengers is to "worry about nothing, pray about everything."  once i settled myself down, i was able to do just that & to seek wise counsel and move on.  because i'm a new creation.    

Duh nuh....duh nuh...duh nuh..duh nuh..duhnuhduhnuh

In honor of shark week...Jaws is a visual of how powerful fear can be, and how wrong fear can be, how loud fear can be...

Fear, what a powerful thing.  Fear is the opposite of faith.  Fear used to be my go to.

In a previous post I hinted that I lead those I was paid for, but didn't truly lead my family.  Ouch!  That truth hurts, but that is the truth.  Fear used to motivate me, fear of saying no, fear of not "being liked", fear of failure.  If your leader is operating from fear, it is not a good thing for the followers, it is impossible to happily and successfully lead from fear and expect people to follow a fear monger. 

For years, for whatever reason this is how I lead my family, full of fear.  Thanks be to Him I no longer lead from fear, actually I don't have much fear at all in my life anymore, that has been replaced by faith.  I thought that "I" had to do it all, and without God not much is possible, but with God and his son Jesus, anything is really possible, but that takes faith.  You are to fear the Lord, I wish that was why I was leading in fear, that is a healthy fear, but that was not the case, I just lead in plain ol' fear, fear of the unknown and failing.  This caused a foundation of sand to be built under our house.  This destroyed me and hurt my wife when i confessed to her and asked for forgiveness.  I praise Jesus that my wife forgave me, without bitterness, for her understanding, and for her loving me anyways.  This is also something that hurt me as I confessed this to God, and both parents for my lack of leadership and leading my wife and family.  This hurt me because it was the truth.  This hurt me until I was able to forgive myself and realize that I cant change the past, but I can change our future, I can change my future.  I can change how I lead my family, not from a place of fear, but from a place of faith and works(insert James 1:22 here).  Thanks be to God he blessed our family and marriage with Agape love, or I wouldn't be here doing this right now, I wouldn't be able to say that though I stumbled, He put our feet on a rock and never let go.  Fear is in my past thanks be to God. 

This is where and how I operate from now, thanks be to God:

^{1 Samuel 12:24} But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you....I am oh so grateful

I must serve the Lord faithfully with all my heart, with my heart full of faith.

Love, I thank you for not giving up on me to lead us.  Love, I thank you for your faith in Jesus to build me back up and lead our family how they deserve to be lead.  Love, I thank you for your forgiveness.  Love, I love you then, now, and always.

I ain't skeered, are you?

It is what it is, and this be it...

the nighttime blessing

dear God:

thank you father for these 3 gifts and for choosing them to be our kids;

help us be their rocks, in the things we do & how we talk.

help them be your hands and feet

give them rest & a good night's sleep;

to prepare them for our next day, as they walk in your light & your way.

we praise your name!  we love you so!

help us ALL help the WHOLE world know--

about your love...about your son,

let Jesus show in each of us

to each and every one.

AMEN!

(jack has by now memorized the whole thing, and lola & isaac are working on it...it's super sweet!)

yo yo

since i'm new to this pretty stinking cool blog "raw & real", i think it's only fair to give readers a glimpse of who they're hearing from.  my name is kristina but kris is easier and is often what i'm called, or what i introduce myself as.  benny and i met in college and became close friends quickly; we could both feel that our relationship would one day take the next step in coupledom, but we didn't rush anything.  a couple of years later we were married and in 6 months found out that our family was already growing!  our 3 collaborations are incredible teachers & blessings.  we believe that we are the their first bible, their first interactions with God.  and so we are shaping their idea of God's love for them everyday.  we don't take that lightly, & it breaks our hearts when others do.  but this is a great big world and we aren't foolish enough to think that life is easy peasy for everyone at all times.  our life's mission is to be there for the people who have been beaten down and taken advantage of; we have been the prodigal son/daughter and now we rejoice in the chance to relate to and minister to and disciple the people of samaria.  

about a year and half ago, benny and i were studying samaria and samaritans...both with our friends and by ourselves.  we began to see ourselves as members of samaria who 'gotten out' & God began to work on our hearts...taking us back through painful memories and things we hadn't dealt with during our times in samaria.  over the past 15 months or so we have grown so much & healed more!  we stood in our past muck long enough to know that Jesus is the only way out (which is wisdom from a friend).  here's the part where i say that i myself have been in and out of Samaria my whole life...robbed by the world, of things that were rightly mine.  i've been to the bottom.  i've come to the end of myself and given it all over to God.  i've nailed hundreds of hurts, habits, and hang ups (ask me about Celebrate Recovery) to the cross, and there are days when i have to force myself to nail them down again and again and again.  sometime in the next 5-7 years i plan to return to school & pursuit a life in Biblical Counseling.  God has given me a heart for girls and women, where there once was the heart of a girl with brothers, roughly 30 male first cousins, & countless uncles.  in samaria, i wouldn't give women a sincere chance before writing them off as friends.  God redeems my wrong thinking about female relationships all the time, and i now have several "favorite women" in my life.

i may from time to time mention or write about mental illness, and the marriage of science and faith.  as ben said in his informal introduction, these are things (along with my religious beliefs) that i am not willing to argue.  i am, and have always been, a "like me or don't" christian.  i'm not going to ignore what i know to be truth in order to make someone else feel more comfortable.  God is not nearly as concerned with my comfort and He is my character, and that's more or less the way i rolll.

i'm a writer by trade, a reader by choice; i am not afraid of therapy; i work out things in my life by writing about them but won't ever compromise anyone else's privacy for a blog entry--i keep things broad & on a big spectrum; i love and critique nearly all forms of rock; i am 100% a midwestern girl; i am in dbt & cr; i collect books and smiles; i will be correcting your grammar in my head.  just kidding.  maybe.

kris

Do you see all those QT cups

Faith, it is knowing something that you cannot see, but knowing it to be true.  Faith was on my mind this morning, Faith is what I have, Faith is what WE have.  Faith...

A Call to Persevere in Faith

 ^{Hebrews 10:19} Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰ by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, ²¹ and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²² let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. ²³ Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Faith is what I have for my families future, I have laid it in His hands, trusting completely.  I know that since I am "me" I am not perfect and will make mistakes, but due to faith I know I can trust in Him and push forward towards the ultimate goal, BUT i push forward not in condemnation, but grace and faith in His deeds.  Giving myself grace, and giving others grace. 

I know where we are going, I am not worried, not in the least. 

It is what it is, and this be it