and thats what this whole thing was about...

rec·on·cile

1.

to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired: He was reconciled to his fate.

2.

to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable: to reconcile hostile persons.

3.

to compose or settle (a quarrel, dispute, etc.).

4.

to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent: to reconcile differing statements; to reconcile accounts.

5.

to reconsecrate (a desecrated church, cemetery, etc.).

 

o·bey

1.

to comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of: to obey one's parents.

2.

to comply with or follow (a command, restriction, wish, instruction, etc.).

3.

(of things) to respond conformably in action to: The car obeyed the slightest touch of the steering wheel.

4.

to submit or conform in action to (some guiding principle, impulse, one's conscience, etc.).

So, that's what this whole blog thing was about.  Obeying the Lord, He would show me why.  What He did was reconcile me, heal me.  He reconciled me to myself, to others, and to Himself.  The thing is, if you have walked away from the Lord like I did, when you come back...there's a whole lot of healing that needs to take place.  It is not for the faint of heart.

Did I want to blog?  Not really, Ive never been a writer, except for assigned schoolwork.  I was obeying and trusting the Lord He would show me why.  i was truly saying "alright I'll do what you say".  He did, about a week ago, and man am I glad I obeyed Him.  This was for me, it was an essential step in my healing process, if it hurt or offended anyone else, I am truly sorry, that was not where my heart was at all.  This is out there for the whole world to see, but it was for me and my journey with Christ. 

I learned much from doing this though, mainly about myself, but also about building Christs Kingdom.  Would I do anything differently, I don't know to be truthful, but I doubt I would.  What I gained from obeying the Lord is so wonderful.  I might switch some words, but if I changed the course, the result may not have been the same. 
James 3
 ¹ Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. ² We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

So to end this ol blogaroo, I can say that I laid it out there.  I gave testimony to all continents but Antarctica and South America, reaching multiple countries around the globe, thousands of times.  It is said to preach to all nations, this is how I did that.  I got my calling cemented in me from this experience, and that is to be a missionary, in a not so safe place to preach the gospel.  I want to work alongside with others, showing them what Christ can do, the light He provides for our steps.

I would like to thank everyone who read with an open mind, shared with an open heart and saw what the intent of this was.
James 2
¹² Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, ¹³ because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

I am me, my words can be foolish and wrong.  My heart was completely in the right place.  I was obeying the Lord.  I was doing my part to build His kingdom in the process.  If any offense took place, I am sorry, I truly hope that we see past our words and look at the intent and the body on whole.  That is not just in reference to this blog.  The last thing I would like to "impart" on anyone is this.

When we truly offer our hearts and lives to Christ and say have your way.  I really hope we don't get caught in our "own" ways.  All of us, say dumb things,(Christ followers included), all of us by intention or lack of intention hurt others, all of us have lied to save our keesters, all of us are flawed.  In the body, we need to strive to look past the offenses of others.  In the body, we need to truly apologize if our intent was taken wrongly.  In the body we must put off the facade that we are more "holy" and righteous than we really are.  In the body, we truly must cast our judgemental ways away.  If we are here for the lost, sick, and brokenhearted....there should be zero tolerance for judgement of the lost, sick, and brokenhearted.  I have known all too many "church goers" who are the most hypocritical and judgemental people I have met, bent on unforgiving, but the facade looks great in the four walls.  Fortunately the church I have called home for the past few years is great about walking out what is taught in the Bible.  Without this body, I would still be lost.  Without this body I would not know what true Christ followers look like, talk like, and act like.

We are all just flawed people who happen to follow Christ.

Welp, this is what it is, and this be it...

The end...

Covet

Whats it going to be...
cov·et

1.

to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others: to covet another's property.

2.

to wish for, especially eagerly: He won the prize they all coveted.

verb (used without object)

3.

to have an inordinate or wrongful desire.

so coveting has been on my mind for quite some time.  I guess it could be due to this time of year where "keeping up with the Jones'" raises to another level, gifts.  We as a society covet.  Coveting is brought to a whole new level in the time of year where it should be at the lowest of the low.  We covet because we seek what only God provides...LOVE.  We covet because we have the mindset of "if I give my wife the gift that he is giving his wife, maybe then she will really love me..."  "if I give me friends that gift, maybe they will like me more..."  "if I give my children that gift, maybe they will love me more, maybe they will know how much we love them..."

Covet, what a nasty little sneaky word.  This has crept into our lives like a snake slithering through the grass, only visible when it is brought out into the open.  Naked to the eye 

James 4(NIV)

Submit Yourselves to God

 ¹ What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

James 4(MSG)

Get Serious

 ^1-2Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.  ^2-3You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way.

To covet something is to allow your flesh to rule you.  Instead of coveting that gift that will make someone love you, or hopefully show someone how much you love them, why not pray to God?  What I mean is why don't we pray to gain wisdom from God on the situation.  If it is for love from someone, do we really know who God is?  If it is to show someone how much we love them, do we really know what Jesus did at the cross?  God our Father, and Jesus our saviour sacrificed for us.  Lets let that sink in a little.  They sacrificed for us.  God did not lavish His only begotten Son with possessions did He?  He lavished His only Son with agony, pain, and suffering.

Husbands and Wives.  Do we have that love of the Father towards each other?  Do we walk out in our actions and with our lips that we truly love our spouses?  Do we secretly covet the job of our best friends husband?  Or do we encourage and build up our husbands with our words instead of telling them they don't have a good enough job?  Do we covet anothers spouse?  Do we secretly covet the way our best friends wife keeps the house spotless?  Or do we step in and do "womens work" instead of hitting the links every weekend?  Do we covet anothers spouse?  Do we covet the way those kids behave and ours run amuck?  Or do we pray for wisdom as one(husband AND wife) for wisdom on how to discipline our children, or let us know what desire we are not meeting with them?  Do we covet others children?

So what causes quarrels among us?  If we read the Word of God above, it is this nasty little word...covet.  Letting our flesh rule us for wordly desires.  We feel we are entitled to it, we are spoiled children.  We want things to come how and when we want them.  And how do we do that?  If we look throughout history as a human race...it is done through possessions.  Possessions of wealth, resources, power, and even love.  Wars are fought over such things.  Love is spoiled because of such things.  Marriages are lost because of such things.  Families are broken because of such things.  Generations are cursed because of such things. 

I challenge us to be real with ourselves.  Do we covet possessions?  Or maybe we covet relationships?  Confess it to ourselves, confess it to God.  Let us pray as one for things of God instead.  Let us pray for wisdom on how we handle situations.  Let us pray for reconciliation.  Let us pray for the Holy Spirit to fill us.  Let us pray for grace and to allow us to give more grace.  Let us pray for Gods will be done here on Earth.  Let us pray for His kingdom come, regardless of what we personally get out of it.  It is not about us, this thing called life.  It is about Him, it is about spreading His message of love.

It is what it is, and this be it...

what to say

what to say what to say...

Mark 13

¹⁰ And the gospel must first be preached to all nations. ¹¹ Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.

How true, so very true.  I count on the Holy Spirit to show up when needed.  Not when just going to court, but pretty much all the time.  Whenever a "talk" is needed, I expect the Holy Spirit to show up and do my speaking.

Whats the Holy Spirit telling you?

Time, it is such a perplexing thing.  Time heals all wounds.  In due Time.  Time is money.  Time is...

Man, these times are great.  Never in the past has there been a time like now.  The speed of time in this day and age is crazy.  In the past 100 years, think of all the things that the eye has seen compared to the times before.  Wow so crazy.  So much change, in all facets.  An explosion of all things has taken place from population to technology.  So much good to so much bad.  Times have never been like this, ever.  Regardless of what anyone says, times have never been like this.

It is my time, and by "my" I mean I am truly open to the Lord having His way with me.  At peace with it and expecting Him to show up big.  I'm at the edge of my seat, and oh so ready.

Are you?  If not what are you waiting for.  Is fear holding you back?

It is what it is, and this be it...

Identity Crisis

As a world we are in an identity crisis.  Finding out who we are and who we walk out as seems to be one of the biggest questions and most sought out answers of this age and day.

We have a desire to be "real" and there is a push to be "fake".  Finding the balance of who we are is a challenge.  Being "authentic" can be perceived and can be selfish and self involved with a reckless abandon for how we affect others.  Being "fake" is perceived as well, being fake, and can either be seen as selfless or selfish.  Being fake for your own gains is rather immature.  Being authentic for your own gains is rather immature as well.

Being authentic of who you are, putting your identity in Christ is mature.  Walking out His will instead of ours is difficult.  If we constantly worry how we're being perceived it is neither authentic or fake, it is just ceasing to exist, ceasing to thrive, ceasing to let God do what He does best...shine

Being fake is walking out in an identity other than what Christ gave you.  Being fake is becoming something other than yourself for reasons of this World.  Being fake is walking out your will for who you are rather than walking out your identity in Christ.

Being authentic does not give you the right to trump everyone elses feelings or thoughts.  Being authentic is walking out boldly knowing your identity is in Christ.  Being authentic is being who Christ designed for you to be.  Being authentic is being you, but submitting to His will and the wisdom of others.  Being authentic does not mean you run around letting your emotions control you giving you a free pass to be a fool and lash out at whoever.  Being authentic is being you, knowing that you will not always be right, knowing that you might offend others, knowing that you will be wrong from time to time.  Being authentic is putting your identity in Christ and submitting to His will.  don't let the salt lose it's saltiness

Finding your identity means put it in Christ, stop trying to be whatever, just be.  Be open to the Holy Spirit directing your steps, be open to wise council, just be...


Proverbs 20
²⁷ The human spirit is the lamp of the LORD
   that sheds light on one’s inmost being.

I am delving deeper

Proverbs 17
²⁷ The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint,
   and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.
 ²⁸ Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
   and discerning if they hold their tongues.

I do not regret what I have done.  Have I made mistakes, abso-freaking-lutely.  Have I or my words been mis-perceived, yup.  Am I worried, not in the least. 

Here were the goals of this thing:

1.challenge myself - check
2.spread the message of the gospel around the globe- check
3.challenge others - check
4.become more well versed in the scripture - check check check (biggest accomplishment this thing did)
5.reach an islam majority country in the middle east - check check and check

What I learned:

1.how far i have to go
2.i will never go back to the old life, I will never give up
3.about other people
4.God is faithful
5.Jesus is my provider

This is a time of self reflection I am in of learning and equipping.  I am delving deeper.  I am going on a fast from this blogaroo.  It is time. 

I challenge you all to delve deeper as well.

Peace out

It is what it is, and this be it...

The way it should be driven

Nice try.

I refuse to stare backwards. 

When you drive a car, do you look in the rear view mirror and just look forward out of the peripheral?  If so, you will never make your destination from either missing your exit or getting into a wreck, that is not a safe way to drive.  When driving you should have your eyes ahead of you, only looking back when making a change in direction to make sure you can make said change safely.

All too often I find myself living life like this.  Focusing on the past, and not the present and future.  This look will keep me from making my destination.  Praise be to God that I do not drive while looking back near as much as I used to, but I will still catch myself doing so.

When driving a car do you use binoculars or a telescope to have your focus 10 miles down the road?  If so you will miss all that is in between here and there.  You will not ever reach your destination because your focus is not where you control, the present.

I used to find myself driving my life like this.  One day I can see I will have it made, I will be doing this and that.  I was busy with my head in the clouds. 
Job 20
Though the pride of the godless person reaches to the heavens
   and his head touches the clouds
Ouch.  I can say that this used to be true about me.  I wouldn't say I was exactly godless, but I can say I did not understand Him, and tried to figure Him out.  I did not put my focal point on Jesus and our Father.  Rather my focal point was me.

Thanks be to God and Jesus who does a redeeming work in me though, I can say I am now driving the car the way it should be driven.  My focus is on the present, my focus is on trusting God and doing my part...submitting to His will, not leaning on my own understanding, and having faith that Jesus does what He does best...deliver. 

I will still find myself looking too long in the rear view mirror on occasions.  Listening to the lies that I cant continue on this path.  That I am and those I love destined for doom.  That I will fail in leading my bride and family.  I will fail in building His kingdom.  I will not finish my tower.  I will open the door for all the mockers to say "Ah HA...look at him, he has no faith, he has no obedience, he has no blessing!  What God!?!" 

You know whats great about now though?  It isn't yesterday, and it isn't tomorrow.  Whats great about now is my whole heart, soul, and body believe with faith and expectation that Jesus will succeed where I fail.  My mouth and fingers do the same.  I know that I am not great, that I am not special, that I am me.  Jesus though has done a redeeming work through me and in me.  Jesus is my provider.  Jesus is never a failure.  My job is to drive my life in obedience, expectation, and faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Without Him, I am nothing.  With Him, I am nothing, but He will do the work.  He will keep from dozing off behind the wheel.  He will tell me to turn in .5 miles.  He will tell me to slow down there is construction ahead.  He will tell me to let it run.  I am full of faith, that pure unadulterated faith that is beyond comprehension, beyond logic, beyond reasoning.  I have seen Jesus with my own eyes, I know the power and good work He does.  There is none like Him.

Where I am at in life is living one day at a time.  Not leaning on my own understanding.  Putting my faith and life in Christ.  He said it best on living in...
Matthew 6

Do Not Worry

    ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?
   ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

What I take from that is do not worry about your past or future.  Today is where your focus is.  Put faith in your God to do what He says He will...deliver.  I am driving my life in the present.  I will not believe the lies of driving while looking in the rearview mirror is the way to go.  I will not believe or have faith in my own self to drive safely, to my destination while looking through a telescope.  I will drive my life by looking in front of me in the present, trusting in my Lord and Savior Christ to give me the directions, glancing back only when changing direction to make sure it is clear.

It is what it is, and this be it...

"If you have faith in me..."

Philippians 4
⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So something that has been on my heart and mind lately is just this.  The peace of God transcends all understanding.

Give us our daily bread.  This is something that has been on display in my life.  Daily bread.  You see God has shown up and given us our daily bread, what we need to get by on that given day.  It is a peace that does in fact transcend all understanding, a faith that can move any mountain once you take hold of this peace.  Knowing that all things will work to glorify God our Father through Christ.  Take a hold and never let go.

This past week has been skimp on food for myself.  This past week I have received three free lunches.  Every morning and night this week I have prayed for daily bread, nothing more and nothing less.  I was at peace knowing that my God would provide, but I had to have the faith he would provide.  I am at peace knowing He will provide whatever I need at any given moment for any given day.  The thing is, He will give you your needs, not necessarily your wants.  i did not get three free lunches of my choosing, but I did get three free lunches.  I did not plead and beg, didn't even ask, but the Holy Spirit working through others did offer.  All I did was have faith in my Lord Jesus Christ, that when I knocked, He would answer.

2 Samuel 22
²⁶ “To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
   to the blameless you show yourself blameless,

Faith is a two way street.  If you do not have faith in your provider to provide, why should he?  If you do not believe that His hand can and will move your mountain, why should he?  He shouldn't. He should give to the faithful, not the faithless. 

Gods only Son Jesus walked this out.  His miracles were performed on those who had FAITH in Jesus.  He was not going to shower the beauty and power of God to those who did not even believe in God, or His power.
Matthew 13
⁵⁸ And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.
Matthew 17
Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”
 ²⁰ He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Jesus, spoke about faith extensively, He demonstrated for God to work, you must have faith.

Life gets hard, circumstances can suck, there is no getting around that.  Thankfully God provides tomorrows, and tomorrows after that.  The imprint you leave on this World about walking out in faith is perhaps the strongest way to build His kingdom AND improve your quality of life while here on this planet.  It is a peace that transcends all understanding.

I challenge all of us, myself included, to increase our faith in the good works that God does everyday.  I challenge us to look at the good He provides rather than the things of this fallen world provide.  Lets walk out boldly in faith knowing that if we trust in the Lord, He will provide our grace, blessing, and mercy.  If we listen to the Lord we will hear him saying, "do not worry about such things, grab my hand of salvation and I will bring you into your promised land."  "I will provide your way."  "I will be your light on this world."  "I will make all the wrongs right....if you have faith in me."

It is what it is, and this be it...

If only one, that is sufficient

You know, I didn't want to write on here today.  Actually I wanted to call it good and be done.  Ive had moments where I became worried how it was being perceived, if I was offending, if i was truly obeying the Lord, if I was building, or if I was tearing.  If I was writing good enough, clear enough, if it was worth it.

Today it was made clear that I need to push on, keep writing, stop worrying.  My writing was just what it is needed to be, as clear and deep as it should.  Nothing more, nothing less

A word came to mind just now as I had no idea on what to write.  Finish.  This is about finishing the work that Christ put in me, finishing myself.  Finishing the testimony of what Christ has done, doing, and will do.

Luke 14

The Cost of Being a Disciple

 ²⁵ Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: ²⁶ “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. ²⁷ And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
   ²⁸ “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? ²⁹ For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, ³⁰ saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
   ³¹ “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? ³² If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. ³³ In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.
   ³⁴ “Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? ³⁵ It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.
   “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

You see, I am giving testimony of Gods love and His faithfulness to complete the work he begins in all of us, BUT it takes faith.  I have faith in God that he is using me to glorify Him.  If only one, that is sufficient.  I am not being used to glorify myself, no not at all.  I am not a great writer, I am not a great pastor.  The motivations of my heart are pure, the motivations of my heart are to spread the Gospel to the best of my ability on any given day or topic.  The motivations of my heart are to push and challenge myself, having faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that He will complete in me the work He began.  I can not complete the work myself, all I can do is obey and submit.  If I will not remain obedient and open, the work will not complete, the growth will stunt, I will survive, not thrive.  I am me, I am sent to be a broadsword of truth in this lifetime.  Broadswords are not pretty, they will require close combat.

So what I hope to impart on people today is this.  When something feels uncomfortable, it is not necessarily a bad thing.  When you feel like you should stop, stop and think about the motivations on why you should stop.  If the motivations are because it is easier to stop, it is safer to stop...your motivations could very well be wrong.  I have had plenty of thoughts of this is too difficult, it is not safe, I am being vulnerable, but I will push on(my walk with Christ). 

Being a disciple of Christ is not easy, to spread the Gospel is not easy.  I have no faith in myself, as you should not either.  We must put our faith in Christ to complete the work He began.  I will finish my tower in due season, but I will not stop building.  I will build brick by brick.  My savior will provide the material and the mortar.

It is what it is, and this be it...

been awhile....

i like that this space is a place where my favorite guy can come and work things out, share imparted wisdom, and reveal the goodness that IS his heart.  so i've decided to step over, and to return all reigns to his hands.  i'll be posting now & then  (funny, as the writer in the family i have a much smaller fire under my rear end to blog than my benny does) on a new blog called

"but now i've seen you with my own eyes" at butnowiveseenuwmyowneyes.blogspot.com.

see you on the flip side.
kristina

Where the things of God grow

James 1:22

Do not merely listen to the Word and so deceive yourselves, but do what it says

This is not me.  This is a pastor who is planting Gods love in modern day Samaria.  This is someone who embodys James 1:22.  This is my pastor.

click.  watch.  share.  spread. 

http://www.greenhouseculture.org/

thank you

nothing more, nothing less

Psalm 19

¹⁴ May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
   be pleasing in your sight,
   LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Lord, you know our needs, you know our hearts.  Have the desires of our hearts come to fruition before our very eyes.  Provide for us our daily bread, nothing more, nothing less.  Let it only be explained by You, so it will be used in testimony to build Your Kingdom, not ours.

I pray for your abundant blessing today.  Make your will known, let it be seen and heard.  Come down and flex your muscle.  Let us have the foresight to carry your will out, not ours.

It is what it is, and this be it...

Learn from the children

Psalm 19

¹⁴ May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
   be pleasing in your sight,
   LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Patience, joy, glorious, contentment, rebuilding, storms, people, relationships, boldness, strength, confidence, communication.  Whats it going to be whats it going to be........

I talked with my bride last night and the subject of confidence came up.  It was powerful, very powerful.  I will start there and see where this goes...
2 Corinthians 2
 ¹ So I made up my mind that I would not make another painful visit to you. ² For if I grieve you, who is left to make me glad but you whom I have grieved? ³ I wrote as I did, so that when I came I would not be distressed by those who should have made me rejoice. I had confidence in all of you, that you would all share my joy. ⁴ For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.

Forgiveness for the Offender

 ⁵ If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. ⁶ The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. ⁷ Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. ⁸ I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. ⁹ Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. ¹⁰ Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, ¹¹ in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

Ministers of the New Covenant

 ¹² Now when I went to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ and found that the Lord had opened a door for me, ¹³ I still had no peace of mind, because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I said goodbye to them and went on to Macedonia.
 ¹⁴ But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. ¹⁵ For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. ¹⁶ To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? ¹⁷ Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.

That whole chapter is great, I couldn't leave any out, it all spoke to me.  So good.  That Paul could write with the best of them couldn't he?

Why confidence?  Because of one word, Christ.  We both are growing, growing as individuals and growing as one body.  We both confessed with our lips and heart to one another as God is our witness that OUR confidence is in the Lord, not ourselves.  We are made of flesh.  I have no confidence in myself, as when I did I failed tremendously, but when I put my full confidence in the Lord Jesus Christ....Well let me just say this, Jesus will never fail.  Jesus is my provider.  Jesus is my protector.  Jesus is who my confidence is in, not myself, and my wife confessed the same.  Jesus is OUR rock

Hebrews 3

Jesus Greater Than Moses

 ¹ Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest. ² He was faithful to the one who appointed him, just as Moses was faithful in all God’s house. ³ Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself. ⁴ For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything. ⁵ “Moses was faithful as a servant in all God’s house,”^[a] bearing witness to what would be spoken by God in the future. ⁶ But Christ is faithful as the Son over God’s house. And we are his house, if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory.

I'm excited, change o direction.

My bride.  How I love thee.  When I see her worshipping the Lord, I never love her more.  Why, because of her reverence in the Lord.  My bride, how I love thee.  I am oh so grateful in her confidence in the Lord, not man.  My wife, my bride.  Words cannot explain how grateful I am that the Lord arranged our marriage.  I am humbled that God our Father chose such a wonderful daughter of His for me, it is rather humbling.  She is such a beautiful and strong creation made from the apple of His eye.  Thank you Lord, thank you.  I thank Him for giving me a wife wise enough to put her confidence in the Lord and not man, not me.  Rather her confidence is in Christ.

This season, this life we find ourselves in(me and my bride) is glorious.  It isn't a time to mourn and question and stumble.  No time to look back at our mistakes we made as ignorant people.  Its a time to smell the fragrant flowers, a time to enjoy, a time to obey, a time to pursue, a time of childlike love of life.  A time to step in boldness and confidence, we are a new creation.  The old gone away like dust, the new sprouting like wildflowers on the mountainside of Telluride, as far as the eye can see, as vibrant as a kaleidoscope.

As I finished coaching our last football game last night i looked over at the sideline and saw the children playing, laughing, smiling, loving life.  They didn't care too much that we were losing.  At that moment it hit me.
Luke 18
But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁷ Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
Jesus is right, if you are to receive the kingdom, you are to become childlike.  Throw your cares and worries off.  Come with a love of life that is contagious, come into the kingdom like a child, playing, not worried, not being trapped by all the mistakes that happen, taking directions when told, loving all, forgiving all.

I love life.  I love the body.  I love the heart.  I love my children.  I love my wife.  Most of all I love Christ.

It is what it is, and this be it...

i am a fan of The Bold Font

1 Peter 2:4

As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him

Rejection.  It sucks, but can you imagine being the Son of God and rejected by those you came to save?  Talk about a blow.  Yet Jesus walked out boldy, knowing He was and would be rejected...even 2011 years later.  Wow.  I couldnt even imagine, but He came in grace so He was above worry, above rejection, above malice. 

Rejection.  This is something I will have to get used to, something I must accept happens more frequently within the body than out.  If you do not grow quick enough, too quick, have differing opinions, bickerments, misunderstandings.  These all lead way to letting emotions take control, letting emotions and feelings cloud the underlying love of one another.  Again, I will let Jesus tell it best...

Mark 12
 ^29-31Jesus said, "The first in importance is, 'Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.' And here is the second: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' There is no other commandment that ranks with these."

and yet again, when differences arise, those who call themselves the body should rise up, rise above the current situations and put your focus on what God and Jesus are about...relationships.  Yet again, Jesus puts it best...

Luke 6

³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
 ³⁹ He also told them this parable: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit? ⁴⁰ The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.
   ⁴¹ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴² How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye

Rejection.  Something I dislike.  Something that was shown to me I need to get used to, I need to work on.  Something I must get used to and accept.  I was ignorant to think that rejection did not happen in the body, as the body is comprised of people.  I thought as the body we would abide by Jesus wisdom when he said...

Matthew 5
²¹ “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,^[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ ²² But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister^[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’^[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
   ²³ “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
   ²⁵ “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. ²⁶ Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

I truly thought that since forgiveness is the purest form of grace that we can do, those who follow Christ would abide by this.  That when there is a disagreement, or offense has happened, settle quick!! before the emotions plant the seed of bitterness, anger, hurt, etc. growing quickly.

This takes two to tango though.  If someone has offended, but not offered apologies, I have no idea how to walk that out.  If they are unaware that an offense took place, we should do the courtesy of informing them I believe.  It also would depend on the amount invested I suppose.  It is easy for me to sit here and just say give them grace, but I would be a hypocrite, as I have not given others grace in my lifetime.

I guess what this rambling says or is getting at is this.  As I was fasting, all sorts of good happened and showed itself, then some insecurities reved up.  Insecurities of relationships that I truly cared about reved up.  Mainly the insecurities if I had done something, was doing something that I shouldn't.  Then the Spirit spoke to me and said, "I know the motivations of your heart, they are pure.  You are doing your best to build My kingdom, you are doing as I direct, you are planting seeds, keep at it, have no fear, you are doing your requirement, be bold, have no fear, rejection is something to get used to, get used to it, be bold, have no fear, be bold!!!! and keep obeying, I am your protector, your provider, trust in me and I will make your paths straight.  You can eat now"  Alright!!!  I was planning on a week, I will take that. 

2 Corinthians 10

Paul’s Defense of His Ministry

 ¹ By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away! ² I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. ³ For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴ The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ⁶ And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

So here's the deal.  If this blogaroo offends any, I am sorry, really.  If it stings, that's good for the long run.  I am doing what I am told.  My motivations are pure, my goal is to push, challenge....myself.  You see I am looking to the growing that takes place in me which will be forever evident by this thing called a blog.  It is to build Christs Kingdom, not my kingdom, fans, friends, twitter, facebook, blog score, etc.  I will preach the beauty of Christ from here to the ends of the world.

It is what it is, and this be it...

 

Read the Word through twice, in its entirity

Ephesians 4

Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ

 ¹ As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. ² Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³ Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; ⁵ one Lord, one faith, one baptism; ⁶ one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
 ⁷ But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. ⁸ This is why it^[a] says:
   “When he ascended on high,
   he took many captives
   and gave gifts to his people.”^[b]
 9 (What does “he ascended” mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions^[c]? ¹⁰ He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) ¹¹ So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, ¹² to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up ¹³ until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
 ¹⁴ Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. ¹⁵ Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. ¹⁶ From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Instructions for Christian Living

 ¹⁷ So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. ¹⁸ They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. ¹⁹ Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
 ²⁰ That, however, is not the way of life you learned ²¹ when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. ²² You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³ to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
 ²⁵ Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶ “In your anger do not sin”^[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸ Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
 ²⁹ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 5

Wake Up from Your Sleep

 ^1-2Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.
 ^3-4Don't allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don't talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn't fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.
 ⁵You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.
 ^6-7Don't let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don't even hang around people like that.
 ^8-10You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You're out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.
 ^11-16Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.

   Wake up from your sleep,
   Climb out of your coffins;
   Christ will show you the light!
So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!
 ¹⁷Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants.
 ^18-20Don't drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him. Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ.

Relationships

 ²¹Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
 ^22-24Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
 ^25-28Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage.
 ^29-33No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.

The Fast, but not furious

Acts 13

¹ Now in the church at Antioch there were prophets and teachers: Barnabas, Simeon called Niger, Lucius of Cyrene, Manaen (who had been brought up with Herod the tetrarch) and Saul. ² While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, “Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.” ³ So after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off.

So, yesterday the Lord said to me, "fast and I will give you the clarity you are after for your new life", "be uncomfortable for me, I am worthy".

Last night I told my bride that I would be fasting starting today.  She asked "what are you fasting for?  You know you are suppossed to fast for something in particular."  I knew that, but I didnt really have an answer other than clarity.  Clarity to lead my family.  Wisdom to lead my family and not to be afraid.  To do what the Lord says to me.  Then as we were talking more I used the anology of shedding skin.  I have been shedding my skin for a while, and fasting is like that rock to catch the remainder so I can complete my shedding process.

The enemy will not let you leave without one more attempt to pull you back under.  he is trying his hardest to get me to be lead by fear.  I recognize that and refuse to let him do that to me.  I am a new creation led by the Lord, fear will not entrap me.  satan is trying to build my insecurities up.  My insecurities of...nobody likes me, i failed my family and they wont forgive me, I wont suceed, I dont provide financially for my family, i am not a good enough or strong enough man for my wife to love and respect, etc, etc, etc.  I call bull to that.  That is a complete lie, I will trust in the Lord and nothing else.  He will make my paths straight, not me...
Provebs 3
⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
   and he will make your paths straight

I am fasting for who knows how long.  I am fasting until the Lord lets me know.  I am fasting to gain the clarity that He wants to give me.  I am fasting to break through the lies that satan is trying to bind me down with.  I am fasting to complete this transformation, this transformation of freedom.  I look forward with great anticipation what the Lord will give me.  What He will show me.  What He will say to me.  What He will bless me with.

He is worthy of great expectations.  I am expecting.  Blessing comes with obedience.  Freedom comes with submission.  I am listening.  I am obeying.  I am submitting.  I am expecting.  I am looking.  I am waiting.

It is what it is, and this be it...

Glory be to God

Genesis 50

¹⁹ But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? ²⁰ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Genesis 20 is such a powerful verse.
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Where i am at in my life, this hits home.  What satan and his minions intended for harm in this world for me, God is using to glorify Him and the saving of many lives to come now and in the future.  The saving of my life, my children, and my wife can be attributed to now.  The saving of many lives can be attributed to the future through my family and through the work I am now doing and will be doing for eternity.

The biggest demonstration I know of this taking place here on Earth is through my wife.  What satan meant for harm, did harm her, but God transformed that harm into the biggest weapon for His Kingdom.  What God can do when we have been harmed is a beautiful recreation, it is life giving, Kingdom building.

satan is real, his minions are real, some of this world, some of another realm.  What he intended to harm me and those I love did quite honestly harm us.  Through Gods son Jesus though, the good that is being done far outweighs the harm, exponentially.  I included verse 19 in the above passage because as i read the chapter, verse 19 is equally as powerful to me.
  But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God?
Due to the fact that Joseph was in the place of God he was able to do perhaps the most powerful and freedom giving things that a human can do....forgive.  Also perhaps the most difficult for us humans to do, truly forgive.  His forgiveness brought countless others to God, because it glorified what our Heavenly Father does in us and through us.  He sets us free.  Free from shame, free from guilt, free from anger.  Those are not of God, but satan.

If we choose to forgive, we glorify God, it is a Kingdom builder.  If we choose to forgive ourselves from our own transgression and imperfections we allow God and Jesus to rebuild us, to build Their Kingdom in us.  I find it more difficult to forgive myself than others, but by the grace of God I haven't faced inflictions that many others have at the hands of human dominions.  I am in a good place now, the place of God, but I have a hard time of realizing that i still have much to learn, much to forgive myself for, much to give myself grace for.  Much further to go, much further.

I am grateful that when I find myself becoming prideful, it is pointed out to me by the Holy Spirit directly in me, or through others.  You will know when the Spirit comes to you.  I can now say that what the enemy meant for harm(my pride), God will use for good.  Why?  How? 

Job 42
¹ Then Job replied to the LORD:
 ² “I know that you can do all things;
   no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
³ You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’
   Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
   things too wonderful for me to know.
 ⁴ “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
   I will question you,
   and you shall answer me.’
⁵ My ears had heard of you
   but now my eyes have seen you.
⁶ Therefore I despise myself
   and repent in dust and ashes.”

I take pride in the Lord, what He has done, what He is doing, and what He will do.  I am nothing without Christ, but with Christ a warrior, a broadsword of the Gospel in this earth.  When i find myself becoming prideful, it is quickly turned to recognition, quickly turned to thanksgiving of the Holy Spirit showing me this, quickly turned to pride in the Lord, pride in the heart...

2 Corinthians 5

¹¹ Since, then, we know what it is to fear the Lord, we try to persuade others. What we are is plain to God, and I hope it is also plain to your conscience. ¹² We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart. ¹³ If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. ¹⁴ For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. ¹⁵ And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
 ¹⁶ So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. ¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:^[a] The old has gone, the new is here! ¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. ²¹ God made him who had no sin to be sin^[b] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

It is what it is, and this be it...

From here to the ends of the world

Psalm 19

¹⁴ May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
   be pleasing in your sight,
   LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Last night as I was worshipping the Lord it happened.  By "it" I mean I began to tear up and the water of my soul rolled down my cheeks.  Two words caused this uncontrollable reaction to happen.  Two words.  Thank you.

I stood there in awe and reverence of what has happened in this past year.  Where i have been, where I am, where I am going.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.  My heart cried out to Him.  He never left me, He always stayed by my side.  When i turned from Him, He stayed close, stayed on the hilltop with a lantern lit at His home.  Come home my son, come home.  Thank you.  I will leave the light on, the door unlocked.  Come home my son, come home.  Thank you.

Jonah 2

  From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. ² He said:
   “In my distress I called to the LORD,
   and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
   and you listened to my cry.
³ You hurled me into the depths,
   into the very heart of the seas,
   and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
   swept over me.
⁴ I said, ‘I have been banished
   from your sight;
yet I will look again
   toward your holy temple.’
⁵ The engulfing waters threatened me,^[b]
   the deep surrounded me;
   seaweed was wrapped around my head.
⁶ To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
   the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
   brought my life up from the pit.
 ⁷ “When my life was ebbing away,
   I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
   to your holy temple.
 ⁸ “Those who cling to worthless idols
   turn away from God’s love for them.
⁹ But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
   will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
   I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
 ¹⁰ And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

I was in the belly of the fish, this world of the flesh.  I chose to turn from Him.  I chose to make the decisions that feel me full of gratitude and thanksgiving that He never left, He always left the light on, the door unlocked.  I clung to the worthless idols of alcohol, drugs, lust, pride, ego, and greed.  I clung them tightly to my chest for years hoping and believing that they would fill the God sized void in my heart. 

What did He do in response? 

He gave me my bride, a daughter of His, that He chose as my wife.  A daughter of His that He arranged for me to marry.  The God sized void became smaller.  Idols began to fall.  I clung desperately to the idols that began to fade, my drug of choice Marijuana, my pride, my ego, and my own understanding.  He never left, He always left the light on.  It was time.  I let the idols go, I dropped kicked them.  I cried for help in the deep realm of the dead I was in.  There is more to life than this.
“In my distress I called to the LORD,
   and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
   and you listened to my cry.
³ You hurled me into the depths,
   into the very heart of the seas,
   and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
   swept over me.
⁴ I said, ‘I have been banished
   from your sight;
yet I will look again
   toward your holy temple.’
⁵ The engulfing waters threatened me,^[b]
   the deep surrounded me;
   seaweed was wrapped around my head.
⁶ To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
   the earth beneath barred me in forever.
He never left, He always left the light on.  The engulfing waters threatened me, I was drowning.  Drowning in MY own understanding, drowning in my pride.  I will look towards your holy temple.  I cried out to the Lord.  I was unworthy of being rescued, unworthy of redemption.

“When my life was ebbing away,
   I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
   to your holy temple.
He never left, He always left the light on.  When I got real about a year ago, began to get over myself, began to realize I can do nothing in this world without Him, that Jesus is my redeemer, Jesus is my provider...He showed up.  Thank you

This past year has been the best year of my life.  For the first time in my life I am truly living.  I see why for centuries people would lay down their life for this thing called the Gospel.  Why people would endure the process of growth, the process of tearing walls down and rebuilding, the process of pain that is required to let the Lord build you up.  Many grow weary, it is not for the faint of heart.  I repeat many will grow weary, it is not for the faint of heart.  It is for those who want to know and feel and see what a healthy heart looks like.  It is for those who are brave and humble enough to say, "without you I can do nothing, but with You....I can do everything, with You there is nothing that I cannot endure, with You I can see and feel and taste what life is meant to be". 

To allow Jesus to step in, you must be brave, it will require you to go beyond yourself.  When those walls come crashing down, that is exactly what it is....a crash.  Lean not on your own understanding during the process, let Him build you back up.  There was no going back, I had come this far I will keep pushing.  When I needed rest, I will run harder, i will keep pushing.  Jesus is my provider.

This is incoherent perhaps, I do not care.  this is me.  This past year Jesus has built me up, Jesus is making my path straight, Jesus is pruning my tree of life, Jesus.  It is all to bring Him glory.  It is all to build His Kingdom.  This past year I have seen Him do marvelous works that leave me with two words....thank you.  This past year He has provided my every step.  He has rebuilt me, He has rebuilt my family, He has given me something I thought was only of dreams.  It is a feeling that I cannot put words to except..thank you.  How?  Why?

James 1:22
Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves, but do what it says

I thank God for providing me the instruction manual to life.  His word.  I thank God for sacrificing His only begotten Son Jesus for someone unworthy like myself.  i thank God for second, third, fourth, fith, etc chances.  i thank God and Jesus for never leaving me, for leaving the light on and door unlocked. 

As I worshipped last night, two words came to mind, thank you.  As I worshipped last night i caught a glimpse of my beautiful bride truly worshipping Jesus and I never felt more alive, I had never seen something so beautiful, I had never loved her more.  As I worshipped last night two words came to mind, thank you.  As I worshipped last night the water of my soul ran down my cheeks, thank you.  As I worshipped last night I truly had never felt more humble and full of life, thank you.

Jesus, Father, this goes out to you.  I thank you from the very depth of my soul for never leaving me, for leaving the light on.  I thank you for Your sacrifices.  I thank you for life.  I thank you for rescuing.  I thank you for what you have done, what you are doing, and what you will do.  I am expecting great things from You.  You are worthy of great expectations.  I have gotten a small taste of what You do in this fallen world, i choose to come back for seconds, for thirds, for LIFE.  I am expecting great and marvelous things from You.  You are my provider.  I am a broadsword for You.  Thank you for refining me.

As I worshipped last night, two words came to mind.  Thank you.  As I worshipped last night thousands upon thousand of words came to mind, the same two repeated from here to the ends of the world, to eternity.  Thank you

It is what it is, and this be it...